In Vitro and Surrogate

Unlike adoption, no clear expectation for disclosure exists for parents who conceived their child through alternative family-building methods such as donor insemination or in vitro fertilization (IVF) with an egg donor or surrogacy.

Both prospective parents and parents who have successfully conceived with the help of a third party continue to be counseled by some medical and mental health professionals that it's not necessary to share the circumstances of the child's conception with their child - that it's not necessary for the child to know the truth about how he came to be part of his family.

The rationale for this position includes respect for the infertile parents' privacy as well as the desire to protect the child from emotional harm, especially in light of those people in our society who are opposed to assisted reproductive technologies.

Because this rationale seems so similar to the basis for secrecy around adoption that existed at least two generations ago, it's no wonder that many mental health and adoption professionals disagree vehemently with this stance. 

The most important thing about keeping a secret in a family about how a child came to be, is that the secret will act its way out in the system, typically in the form of dysfunction.

The child is most likely the one who will bear the brunt of the symptoms of this secret keeping. 

The best resolution is for the sperm, egg donor or surrogate mother to be well honored for their most important role in bringing this child a life. 

The child's life goes well if those who made the child possible are honored, respected and treated with humility and dignity by the parents of the "parents" of the child.

This is confusing, yet simple concept. Andy can help you sort this out quickly and help you and your family have a healthy, happy life.